brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
