I think i peed on brittanys purse
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
