After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i've created a new STD.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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