So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize