your thong is hanging out like whoa
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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