# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
