Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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