Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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