apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
