I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
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