I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
