saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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