Swine flu is the new snow day.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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