the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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