He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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