The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
