Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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