If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
