that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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