Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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