I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
