I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
