You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
