I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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