I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
