i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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