she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
