two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
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