I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize