I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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