In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
