matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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