So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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