jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
