we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
