I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
