They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
