This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There r osticjed everywhere
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
