"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
