I wish my penis had an off switch
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
