all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
