god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
