I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
