I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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