Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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