And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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