Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
