I need to stop coming to work sober
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
