wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
