Can i not drive my cunt home
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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