but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
