apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
we're so committed to being not committed
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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