she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
