Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Randomize
