it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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