good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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