You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
