I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
