I CAN MOONWALK!
Farmville is her only friend.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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