Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
