i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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