her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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