Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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