Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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