shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
