: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
