This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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