look no pants
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
